"For a long time Grandma's entire slow death from cancer stayed fenced inside that pat report. It's a clear case of language standing in for reality. Perhaps the neighbor ladies who heard me tell it back then were justly horrified by my lack of grief instead of being wowed-- as I intended them to be-- by how well I was bearing up. To them, I nod mea culpa for this lie. Believe me, I fooled no one worse than I fooled myself by blotting out the whole eighteen-month horror show." (page 48)
Out of all the passages in this book, this one seemed to stick out to me. In a short amount of words I think it is able to capture and tell a lot about how the author feels. The most blaring part of this passage is the last line about "blotting out the whole eighteen-month horror show." This line brings back the recurring theme of the author blocking things out of her memory. Like in the first chapter when she cannot remember who took her in when her mother was taken for being nervous. It shows a repeated pattern of Mary Karr trying to forget some of the bad things that have happened in her past. I think it is strange how someone can completely forget memories that were so instrumental in shaping her life.
When trying to think of a family memory a couple of them came to mind, but this one stood above the rest. When I was five-years-old I lost my grandma to cancer. This was an event that I immediately thought of because she was the only person close to me to have died. Eventhough I was fairly young I vividly remember the entire process, from visiting her nearly everyday to her funeral. At the time I don't think I found the entire situation real nor did I understand the severity of her illness. It just didn't feel real. I had seen her half-a-hour before she passed away and she acted normal, not like someone who was on the verge of death. The entire sitaution just puts perspective on life and how it can be so fragile. One moment someone is alive and by the time you leave their house and get home their dead way before their time.
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I loved your blog for a couple reasons.
ReplyDelete1. You picked out a passage and brought up a point that I must have totally thought insignificant until now because I don't even recall even reading it, and then you explaining it as a reoccurring theme in the book, which now I can agree it is.
2. To speak on the you thinking its strange how someone can completely forget memories that were so instrumental in shaping their lives, it happens. I know because I'm currently going through it now. When something so tragic happens, the trauma of it seems to be so much to handle the brain automatically blocks it out for you. You remember it happened, but details are blurry. At least for me anyway
3. You said one moment their alive and the next their not. It almost brought tears to my eyes. I know it way to well. Trust me
I can see how this memory would come to mind both as it being relevant to what is happening in the book and just the fact that it would be a big event in your life. I also lost my grandma to cancer when I was eight so I know exactly what you mean when you say that it doesn't even seem real. I can also see how you'd be able to completely remember almost every detail during that time even at such a young age.
ReplyDeleteYour post goes into a good amount of detail but I wouldn't mind seeing it have even more detail, perhaps getting more into detail about your grandma in the months before her untimely death.